Haven’t you ever thought life with me? Haven’t you ever thought about me? When you started your new family, did you ever wonder about me? Your wife, and kids… Did you plan on leaving us like that? Because when you did, you left a scar so big, that no one can ever heal. When I told you about my dreams and ambitions, you listened and let me go. I remembered it very clear. We were at the diner, getting breakfast and talking. Honestly it felt so nice. I loved it, and I truly miss it. I miss being able to come over to your place and being able to talk to you like a son should to his dad. I miss having you by my side. When I had those birthdays when I was younger, you were always there. You were almost always there. Then you started to come later, and later. Finally at my last birthday party with the family, you were no where in sight, but I kept on sitting on the couch with my hands ready to hug you when you were to come. You never showed up, and I ended up walking to my room without my father right there beside me… I cried softly to bed that night. I could barely sleep. I thought maybe you would have came into my room to surprise me, but still nothing. After that, I just gave up on everything. Mom, and grandma told me that you moved, and no contact could be made. I acted like it had not phased me, but it did, deeply. Years passed and tears still kept on going. Fathers day only brought memories back, and birthdays were just full of disasters. I just stopped caring. Or so I thought. You’re barely on my mind, but when you are the wound only hurts more. Like today, I nearly broke down. I thought I was going to court with you, since now I’m 18 and all. But once I got home, it wasn’t it. It still depressed me, because even though I don’t want to see you, I do. I just want to know the reason why you left. Why you haven’t even tried talking to me like before. You are the reason why I’m so fake, dad. You are the reasons to many things. But you are also the reason why I’ve become this strong, and independent man. A man that will always be there for his family no matter what. A man that you will never become, dad. Never…

Is there a real reason why I chose to like you? Why can’t we simply fall in love whenever we can? Because this whole thing is tearing me apart. I hate not having you in my arms. I hate pretending to only be your friend. I fear rejections. I fear that I will never have you in my arms. I fear that we will only be friends.. I fear not being liked back. But I fear mostly not having connections with you after graduation.

I feel like everyone has a quote that was probably from someone else, but the quote has simply shaped your life, in many ways. In the end that quote that everyone remembered will be a pure memory of your sayings, not the one who said that first. So to sum it all up everything you say is on a timeline and anyone that heard you can quote that from you.

I could care less about you. I wish you were out of my life. Having you in my life just simply ruins my life. With you here, I’m stuck thinking about you. I hate you for this.

I hate myself for this… I hate myself for becoming friends with you.. I hate the fact that you’re always on my mind. I hate the fact that I’m liking you a lot. I hate everything that has to do with you. I hate you because I can’t have you. I can’t wait until we graduate so I can just get away from everyone. I just can’t wait to move to Irvine. FUCK!